Thursday, November 13, 2014

Rape on the pre-text of marriage?

When a mature woman, perusing a research degree in a premiere think-tank institution, accuses another colleague of “rape on the pretext of marriage” , what does one make of it? Even if it was consensual at the time, if the relationship falls apart, it becomes Rape? If marriage was conditional to furthering the relationship, they could have waited until after, no? And now law of the land must intervene, how? If it decrees that they have to marry, can they live happily ever after? Punishing the guy will restore what, exactly? In the movies of sixties, the baddie “outraged the modesty “ of the heroe’s sis, took away her saree , dupatta etc. and tied her up to a chair, a pole, whatever was handy . Then the hero entered with his jacket-that he never left home without especially when in pursuit of villains, thrashed the guy and draped his sis in the jacket (Farah-Sajid, in your remakes you might consider woman -in - a -skirt that’s ripped to show off her legs, cleverly getting past the Censor Board, and the hero can give her his pants, and show off some muscle too—but I digress). Then they cut to the baddie , kajal-ketchup all washed off, in a brand new jacket of his own, stopped even as he is falling at the women’s feet ( the sister and mother if she’s around) and garlanded, as in marriage. We never find out if the baddie really changed his ways and did not hound other women, and how they planned to tackle the issue of bigamy that would crop up then. The point being, if we agree that Rape is a reprehensible social aberration and a serious crime under law, then, having to marry the rapist is double punishment, right? So coming back to our research scholar, what did she want? I have often wondered what this clause “rape on the pretext of marriage “ really entails . Educate me, please.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

World Cup toh aa gaya, par tu ne kya kiya?

World Cup toh aa gaya, par tu ne kuch kiya?


The Big Q of April 2011. Hallo ji, The Warld cup may come to THE India , par aap ne bhi kuch kiya?
For sure. Every one is doing something, real , imaginary, corny, funny. Or if they hadn’t already, now. A week of wearing blue, thanxgiving prayers, even naming babies dhoni—well, sounds better than vishva kap anyday.
When my sister, a self-styled lucky mascot doesn’t take a call even if it is from nature till break time, or makes my b-i-l wait on her hand and foot, claiming a wicket will fall if she gets up , I think its cute. When my senior citizen friend shies away from watching the match till the very end (but takes guilty furtive and VERY frequent glimpses throughout) coz she believes her watching will make India loose, I think that is magnanimous of her. When Amir Khan who must have a zillion tees, wears the same lucky one for semis and finals, I say, that’s the spirit!
When BCCI announces I crore to each, I think its very fair that they should share some of that ad revenue they rake in. And when Hyundai offers sleek numbers to the players, I think cool! Then I read Mamta offering life time free first A/c berths I think, chalo, light leh loh --Dhoni aur Sakshi train meh kub jaana? (now if Mallya were to offer free lifetime rides on king fisher, I’d say uber cool—but that’s not public money you see, and cannot be bequeathed so easily). When I read that Karnataka government is offering 4000 SFT of government land to each player I frown at projects that will be stalled,people who will be deprived and I think man, this is really not done. Then other governments follow suit and announce freebies chappar phad ke, blowing tax payers money I think they are pushing it .
And this morning I read that saddi dilli government waives off taxes for cricketers , because they have “done India proud” , I think the country has completely lost it. So tax waiver is a reward and payment punishment, is what they are implying? Do the cricketers with their assets need these waivers and subsidies? Isn't it the honest tax payer and ticket buyer who does India proud, rather than the priyankas , the hasan ali’s and all those evaders? Maybe Mayawati will now give them the Taj Mahal? Orissa their beaches? Whatever happened to a basic commonsense premise -you cannot give away what is not yours? Or do I not love my country or my cricket enough to think like this? Am I just plain spoil sport? Please tell me I am not alone in feeling outraged!
Dhoni , can you find it in you to lead Team India again to say a polite thanx but no thanx to all the freebies with government land and tax payers money, donate it to development projects in that state-call it World Cup 2011 Bridge/slum relocation/night shelter/school for street children. make each project give a progress report to Team India ensuring timely and corruption free completion and commission? You already have won our hearts, now our minds and souls will be yours too.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Confessions of a serial offender

Confessions of a serial offender

I confess- I am a (television) serial offender! Almost addicted. I say almost only because my frequent work travel to places that don’t air these channels prevents me from logging in the requisite number of hours for a “quantitative measure” to claim addiction! But I must gleefully add that they have factored for such absences rather well in their story maze and rarely take any major decisions while my status is BRB . I find them grappling still, with the same who should make the pudina chutney and kheer or what jewelry to wear for the party tonight or the jagrata tomorrow . Sometimes, they have leapt 20 years, and a fresh brigade of simpering goodies and sniggering badies has joined this existential battle . But no confusion here on who-is-who. Simple thumb rule- opposites attract. Bitch saas gets goat bahu . And vice-versa.(wow! I’ve always wanted to use this phrase in a sentence since I learnt it in 5th grade but never found the perfect occasion- some tits tatting yes, some going-ups coming down may be , but never the right vices versaing, if you know what I mean!)

But I have really learnt from the serials, been inspired and motivated by them, seriously! They provide invaluable lessons on attachment to possessions and on moving.

The current home that I am living in is my 19 th! not counting the one I was born in,same as my mother, maternal uncles and aunts, cousins and siblings in Rapaka-Andhra Pradesh. Each move has meant agonizing amounts of planning, work, decisions to throw and regrets thereof, and a huge drain on finances. Both by way of things one discards and re-purchases! (The last time around, I was offered INR. 30, yes, thirty only, for a good functioning water purifier acqua guard and INR 500 for a dining -table set with 5 -good and -1 -broken chairs).

And yet, in these serials that I watch, with fixed regularity some one is either thrown or walks out . And the movers just march to their palatial rooms, throw a strolley on their kingsize bed, open their princely wardrobes , dump a few things (with clothes hangers),pause for a last minute addition of a picture frame- and are ready to move! One carry on bag per person moving -man, woman or child . That’s it, not even a check-in bag.

The trick, I have figured is to identify and store at a single point (but most importantly limit) all that you want to fit into a handy strolley. I see an amazing co-branding opportunity here. What if Samsonite, VIP, or Delsey were to provide these cases- and a pop-up appears as they are wheeled to the door—“holds all that you will ever want”! of course, the legend must pop right before the thunderous “thairoo” or the remorseful “ruk jao”!

You know, a guy called Jib Fowls in his book “Why Viewers Watch” has advanced many theories for television viewing, among them the habit forming nature of television and likening it to a gentle brush, that removes the day’s cares and helps one unwind-suggesting that television is watched as much for what it takes out of you , as it is for what it might put into you! But driving home important life truths –travel light, shun excess baggage, just escaped him!! Perhaps his extensive research did not cover our serials.

But I am still working out the mystery of why women are being cajoled to rise up to an oft repeated challenge “tum jake taiyaar ho jao” from a mother, m-i-l or husband when it is clear for all to see that adding even another coat of lipstick will cause the face to crumble under its own weight and it would be hard to find a blingier outfit to change into, no matter where the outing is to!
Ah, yes, I also have to figure out what’s with the clothes hangers .

Any comments ?

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Reunion of Class of 72

Class of 72 Re U


Re Us are cool. And so-o in. Every one is embarking on a journey into the past to see how the oily pigtailed girls and tongue-tied guys finally turned out . Well, that’s how we were, largely sticking to same sex “best friends” , barring a few awkward interactions with the opposite sex under the watchful eyes of teachers at school picnics, annual days, field visits and such.

But largely, a Re U I think is driven by technology that allows people to be traced, than curiosity or pangs of long lost affection .

And so it came to be, on December 18 and 19, 2010 roughly one-third of the class of ’72. from Baroda High, met at Vadodara. People literally came from all over the world-well, from USOA and UK mostly, which to my ilk , is the world anyway. Bad weather and busy holiday season played fowl, and kept away some, though.

Housed in the Maharaja's erstwhile stables, Baroda High School, Bagikhana, as it was called, attracted endless mirth from children of other schools, who would shout "t-a-b-e-l-a" and go tic-toc, tic-toc as we walked by! Bagikhana also attracted NRIs . Several of my school mates were migrants from Africa, for whom re migration, was like a given , a function of time . We came from different worlds- desi me and my videsi friends ! Early in my BHS days, though not for long, I was the odd one out , being a native (? !) of Andhra Pradesh, a State which until its flamboyant Chief Minister NTR, years later put on the world map, was invariably grouped in the collective “South India”, its people dismissed as “Madrasis”, who spoke a type of Hindi, vulgarized by Comedian Mehmood!. By the time I came to Baroda, my father’s job had already moved us around to Jabalpur, Delhi and Kolkata , defying an easy answer to that compelling routine question, “where are you from”? I still find the question tricky, having subsequently moved to Assam, Hyderabad, Bahrain, Hyderabad again, Mumbai, Ahmedabad and Dilli again! If owning a piece of immovable property can be counted as an indicator of “from” –ness, then my recently acquired 2.5 BHK in Secundrabad, makes me Hyderabadi- the State is yet an open issue -will I remain an Andhrite or be declared a Telangani? And would the 3BHK I had to sell in Ahmedabad to acquire this,continue to entertain a tiny claim to me being a “Gujarati”? I read, write and speak both languages if that counts! But, I digress.

Back to the Re U. What topped the list was anticipation leading up to D Day, followed by the exciting first meeting, trying to recognize each other. A few, I did instantly. The fog slowly lifted off others, as their names were revealed. Alas, a few blanks too- name, face, nothing! Zero recall. Only the school certificates can now conclusively establish our connect. Nobody, but nobody recognized me outright!

Hey, this was the Class of ’72! 38 years is a long time. Just as well, this Re U happened while at least something was recallable!

The first day, one of the guys hosted a dinner at his pretty, sprawling farm house. Spirit (s) rose, tongues loosened and the checkered conversations rolled between past and present. This day was supposed to be school mates only sans spouses or partners. Observing the rule in its exception was the chief initiator, who brought his smart wife along, unwittingly inducing a few mumbles. Day two was a gala, song and dance, live music , spouses , et al. Five teachers , well into their 80s were traced, ferried to the event and honoured with shawls and flowers. A charming symbolic gesture, but most did not remember much, on either side, I daresay.

By pay-up time, a few mumbles became grumbles , stirring some disenchantment. I hope the main organizers, who worked hard for over a year in putting this together will contain this and not let a bit of pettiness take away from the big feat they pulled through.

So what do I bring back from this time travel?

Beautifully, a close connect with my soul sister, who I have thought of often over the years. Amazement at how gracefully the girls have aged and looked lovely. Stirred a funny bone seeing how a high profile girl then was equally dramatic now!
Above all, joy and pride at the thoroughbreds turned out by the proverbial Augustin’s stables! For here I was, amidst successful business men and women, senior managers, CEOs, educationists and several doctors: gynecologists, anesthetists, pediatricians, ophthalmologists, trauma surgeons and the like.

Winners, all!
Well Done Class of ’72 !


The next meet……………lets see, hmmm, well, depends!! You know, Re Us, do consume a lot of resources---time, energy, brain disk space , finances.. too!

Then again, I am part of Class of 76 of M.S.U. ; Class of 79 of O U; the Ad Agency gang of early 80s, Bahrain Crowd of late 80s,OU Colleagues of early 90s; the APTECH lot of mid 90s; Taleem family of late 90s; and above all, my own prolific family……any one listening!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

woman's woes

ever wonder
how
they seem to work in reverse
these fairy tales
our growing up staple
of snow-whites and cinderellas
how
there actually are
more happy beginnings
than happy endings
how
the princes charmings
who we kiss , love, marry
one day just, turn into toads?
also i hear
the empowered gen x woman
reverses evolution
with ease
making monkeys
out of gullible men!!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

at the farewell party to ms. pushpa .t.

at the farewell party to ms. pushpa .t.
(with sincere due apology
to great poet late shri nissim .e.)


life for working lady
is full of difficulty!
just other day I am attending
farewell party, for ms.pushpa.t.
(nice lady, my section only!)
one mr. john, is sitting in my next chair
in office, he is on another floor
some times meeting on stair
always smiling, rarely talking.
anyhow,
he is giving me something
wrapped in paper towel.
innocently, i am taking
it is hot dog, he is telling
at once i am dropping
my kanjeevarm saree spoiling
but i am not at all caring!
how he can do like this?
i am chaste high class lady
is he not knowing or what?
everyday I am putting
sacred ash on forehead
(after bath and prayers)
is he not seeing or what?
internally i am boiling
but externally only smiling
and sternly telling
sir, i am not taking dogs
whether hot or cold.
but he is only laughing
as though i am joking!!
what he will understand?
(may be taking cow and pig also!)

but one thing i am confiding
in you only, why because
like me, you are broad of mind!
in the speech, they are mentioning
spirit, suddenly it is clicking
like word association
that's why i am telling
wine, i am liking
and sometimes also taking
somewhere i am reading
its nectar of gods
( goddess too, you think?)
anyhow, its made from fruit only, no?
but still
whenever I am partaking
i am also caretaking
not to mud sling on family name
and using steel tumbler only
so nobody is guessing
because as high class lady
i am very mindful
of family name , decorum,
and other things.



here is the link to the original masterpiece
http://audiopoetry.wordpress.com/2007/08/22/goodbye-party-for-miss-pushpa-ts/

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

of blogs, bo and buddha...

if i am blogging, this must be tuesday or if its tuesday, i must be blogging… though the dateline has a mind of its own. haven't figured out how to fix that yet! meanwhile, i fix tuesday as my blog day..
its buddha jayanthi , a holiday and for the first time in weeks, i am neither carrying work home nor waiting at some cramped air port, which i guess is as good a time to blog as any, except that the content may be unduly influenced by the bo of your hum-suffers...on my last trip, i actually requested a change of seat for this reason on kingfisher airlines...the pyt seemed embarrassed but eventually obliged by sending me to the last seat in the last row ! what if there had been no empty seats in economy? would they have upgraded me? does the promise of comfort or ‘world class experience on indian skies’ cover this? is one indemnified ? i face this often in cars and taxis, which reek of it and the choice is between an olfactory attack or one by the elements as you roll the car windows down. a good way out, i figured is to carry a vicks inhaler, but don’t forget to fake a few justifying snivels, if the source of the invasion warrants it ( colleague, friend etc..other than the cabbie, that is)

still on bo; i have just returned from a multimedia workshop for open and distance learning professionals at tamilnadu open university at chennai-one of the participants, who teaches a beauticians course did a lesson on bo and talked about one dr. hilary jones ,a dermatologist who calls bo a socio-economic epidemic ! and worse, enlightens us that the person exuding this does not realize it at all! besides the bath and fresh clothes routine, other recommended remedies include rubbing 0.05% chlorohexadine solution in the armpits and even injecting botox! howzzat? only trouble is, the person has to do this him/her self- like you cannot sneak a choloro-thingummy dab or quickly jab botox into the offending site. and as jones has already researched, the skunk knoweth not its scent!!

i did mention the buddha, did i not? and not just for drama and alliteration either- some of my friends have taken to buddhism lately, a couple of them, today. it seems to be really catching on here in dilli-they say there are some 17-18 chapters in dakshni dilli alone! they meet regularly and chant . i wonder what people take away from a religion? the rituals come first and sadly, oftentimes nothing comes next! not being a practicing hindu it is somewhat difficult for me understand what the rituals actually do for you. my (en)chant-ing friends claim that the chanting brings peace upon themselves and others around them-so in a way, i am covered i guess by these 17-18 chapters around where i live. and they are turning vegetarian too-though, the countries with buddhism as their main religion almost eat anything that moves! while with any mention of the buddha only peaceful images 'flash upon that inward eye', some of the most oppressive human rights violations happen in countries where most people are buddhists-like china, tibet, myanmar. i know that sounds like a shallow and deceptively rational argument conjured up by a teenager. perhaps, a profound truth lurks there. we only take away from our religion, what we bring to it.
we take away hatred when we bring exclusion , claiming ours to be the best or only truth; we take away intolerance when we vest in it uncompromising form and rituals, and we take away inner calm when we concede a point of control outside ourselves.
no, i am not turning a buddhist yet, but on this buddha jayanti, i resolve to learn more about the religion.
so long! watch this space (on tuesdays)